A blog post filled with quotes is a sign that a blogger has run out of ideas and is desperate for content. So… um… enjoy these little known writing quotes.
“Don’t reinvent the wheel when a perfectly good cliché can beat a dead horse.”
“Writing is like ripping open your chest and letting your soul fall on the floor to get stepped on repeatedly.”
“Onomatopoeia adds the boom, poof, swoosh to writing.”
“Memoirs are all fun and freedom until a family member sues your ass.”
“Writing is a gateway drug to heroin.”
“Everyone can binge watch Seinfeld or take a long nap or masturbate the day away, but not everyone can write a novel. That’s what makes authors so special.”
“Outlines are for people who write between the lines.”
“There’s no greater agony than writer’s block embedded in your foot.”
“The road to El Dorado is paved with ‘ing’ verbs.”
“I shall fart badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I hold farts in.”
“Never stop writing, no matter what. Carpel tunnel syndrome is a made up condition.”
“Writing is a socially acceptable way of killing fictional people.”
“Writing is like coffee. First you drink it to seem like an adult, then you drink it to get through the day, and then you drink it to stay awake during sex.”
“The penis is a muscle. I found out that the more erotica I wrote, the bigger they got.”
“Save the Darlings! Save all the Darlings, especially Wendy, John, and little Michael.”
“A bad book isn’t rewritten; it’s locked in a trunk and lay to rest in the Pacific Ocean.”
“If you are what you write then Anne Rice is a handsome French vampire, J.R.R. Tolkien was a ranger, E.L. James is a vibrating butt plug, and George R.R. Martin is the world’s worst wedding planner.”
“Eating, grandma, would be awesome, right now. Oops! What I meant: Eating grandma would be awesome, right now. Whew! Putting commas in the wrong place nearly made me a non-grandmother eater. This is why grammar is important.”
I hope these uncommon quotes inspire you. To do what, I don’t know. You may be shocked—shocked!—to learn all were said by me. You can pick your jaw off the floor, it’s unbecoming.
Do you have any favorite little known writing quotes?
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